~Is it obvious to you

When you walk into a room

Your face is all I see

And my heart races so fast

I never knew a rush to feel like that

Every time you're touching me~

I stepped through the waist high gate and stopped. She was standing there talking to John and her head tossed back, her chin-length brown moppy curly hair in complete disarray, flying all over the place. I had to tell my lungs to inhale. Her round face was lit up like a Christmas tree, her smile as bright as the sun. Kensie looked up at him with stars in her eyes. He laughed and shook his head. She said something and he grinned, shaking his head again. I knew what she was doing, even this far out of earshot. She was flirting with him and he was flirting back. He never took the flirting seriously. It was like a game with him to see if he could out-flirt her.

I put on a smile and walked over. She saw me and lit up even more.

“Randy!” she nearly squealed and jumped into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. “I’ve missed you so much!”

My heart seemed to quit beating. Time seemed to stop as I hugged her as tightly as I could.

“Oh you have?” I asked casually.

“Oh yes,” she laughed softly and tried to let go, but I didn’t put her down. “Are you going to let me go?” She chuckled.

“Do I have to?” I joked with a laugh.

“No, not really, but sooner or later one of us is going to have to pee,” Kensie laughed.

I laughed and set her down on her bare feet. She kissed me softly on the lips and my breath caught in my throat. She smiled brightly and stepped away.

“Hey, man,” John greeted me and we clasped hands and hugged. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” I said.

“I’ll leave you boys to it,” Kensie said with a grin and started to walk away.

“No,” John said and grabbed her hand. “Don’t rush off.”

“I have to go visit the little girl’s room,” she said. “I’ll be back.”

John nodded and let her hand go. I turned and watched her walk away. She was in one of her cute swim dresses, black with tiny white stars all over it. I’ve seen her in it before, but she looked so damned cute I couldn’t help but watch her as her thick, short legs carried her away.

John chuckled, breaking me out of my haze. “She’s so cute.”

“Yeah, she is,” I agreed.

~I never did believe in anything

I couldn't hold between my fingers

But the way you make me feel

It's just so real the way it lingers~

I sighed, leaning against the bathroom door. I looked down at my hand. For some reason, it was tingling where John was holding it. Damn it! I hated being so hung up on him. It was obvious he didn’t care about me the way I cared about him. Why was I wasting my time? I inhaled a deep breath and licked my lips. Sometimes I got so tired of waiting for him to see the light, see how much I really, honestly cared about him, but at the same time, I knew in my heart that I’d wait forever if need be. He made me feel…he just made me feel, for the first time in years, I really felt something for someone. I could just look at him and all my senses leave. He made me physically weak with his smile, the way his eyes glittered when he laughed. My knees went weak with just a casual touch. Tears stung my eyes and I blinked quickly walking to the sink. I splashed some water on my face and smiled at myself in the mirror. I don’t know why I did that. I guess I was practicing. I promised myself I’d stick with just friendship. I told him once before how I felt and he just left my life completely. I didn’t see or hear from him for months. I waited. I waited so long for him to contact me and he finally did. He sent me one very simple email six months after I told him. I thought I was over him, but that one simple 4 sentence email brought it all back in a rush, like I never was separated from him a day. I promised myself if all I could have was his friendship, then I’d take it. I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I splashed more cold water on my face and walked out of the bathroom.

~I get lost inside your stare

Lost when you're not there

When everything I have doesn't mean a thing

If it's without you

If it's a dream, don't wake me up

I'll scream if this isn't love…~

I walked back out to the pool area and saw him. Damn it to hell! He’d taken his shirt off and was wet from a dip in the pool. He was standing with Chris, who was throwing this get-together, and he smiled at me. I smiled back and went to the pool. I jumped in and swam to the other side, my chest so tight it felt as if my heart would explode.

~If bein' lost means never knowin'

How it feels without you

I wanna stay lost… forever

I wanna stay lost forever with you~

I put a beer to my lips and saw her climb up the pool ladder, water pouring off her. She sat down with Chris’ wife and some of the other women on the other side of the pool at a table. She put a cigarette to her lips and lit it. Smoke circled around her head and she grinned at me. I smiled back and made a face. She laughed and turned her attention back to the women. She confided in me how she felt about John and I listened, as a good friend should. I tried to anyway. With every word she spoke, a piece of my heart broke off. I knew I couldn’t ever tell her what was on my mind, what was on the tip of my tongue to say. Not while she still had feelings for him – the lucky, ignorant ass. He had no clue.

John came over and sat down in the pool chair beside me. “Randy, you’re staring.”

“I am?” I asked, playing oblivious.

“Yep,” John said. “Chris asked me if you and Kensie were seeing each other.”

I snorted. “No, no, we’re not.”

John hummed, nodding. “I wonder if she still has feelings for me.”

I inhaled a gasp, surprised. “Why?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just wondering.”

“You’re an ass, John,” I said and took a drink of my beer.

John made a confused face and looked at me. “What?”

“You heard me,” I said.

~No, this feeling doesn't end

It's with me everywhere I am

Hope it never goes away

It's like defying gravity

Losin' all control and bein' free

And I always wanna stay~

I got up and walked over to them. I grinned and said, “So, which one wants me in their lap?”

“Me!” John said and grabbed my hand. I laughed and let him pull me into his lap. I wiggled around and put my arm around his shoulders. “So, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” Randy said, gulped some of his beer and looked away.

“Randy was just calling me an ass for some reason,” John said with a light shrug.

“Are you two fighting?” I asked, looking between them. “I hate it when my guys fight.”

“We’re not fighting,” Randy said, looking at me and softly smiling.

“Promise?” I asked.

“Promise,” John said and softly patted my thigh.

I swallowed the forming lump in my throat and nodded. “Good.”

“I was thinking we should go out,” John said.

“Oh really?” I murmured.

“Yeah,” John said.

I locked eyes with Randy. “Yeah, we should. All three of us. We never all three go out anymore.”

“Sounds like fun,” Randy said. “We haven’t been out all together in a long time.”

“Yeah,” John said.

I got up off John’s lap and walked away without saying a word. I could still feel John’s touch linger on my thigh. I went into the house, put on my cover up and my sandals and grabbed my bag. I went to thank Chris for inviting me and walked out through the pool area.

~I never thought that I'd let go

Long enough to fall for someone deeply

Who had the power to erase my fears

And find me so completely~

“What the hell?” I asked myself, confused. Why was she leaving? I got up and caught her out on the sidewalk heading to the front of Chris’s gated community.

“Hey, Kensie!” I called out.

She turned and looked at me. Tears were running down her face as she talked on her phone. I ran up to her.

“What’s going on?” I asked her.

“I can’t do this,” she cried, dropping her phone in her bag. “I just can’t do it!”

“Can’t do what?” I asked.

“I can’t be just his friend!” she sobbed. “I thought I could, but I can’t! I tried to be. I really did. I really, honestly did, but I just can’t!”

“Hey, hey…” I said softly and touched her shoulder. “It’s ok, Kensie.” I pulled her to me and wrapped her in my arms. “Shhh…” She sobbed into my chest and I held her. “It’ll be ok. Let me take you home.”

“I just called a cab,” she whispered.

“Fuck the cab,” I said and I guided her to my car.

During the ride to her apartment building, Kensie leaned her head on the window and gazed out, not talking.

She got out when I parked and said, “Will you walk me up?”

I nodded and got out. We walked very slowly to the door. I sensed she wanted to talk, so I stayed quiet until she was ready.

“It doesn’t make any sense,” she said.

“What doesn’t?” I asked her.

“Why am I so stuck on him?” she asked and added, “He obviously doesn’t want me. If he did he would say something or do something. I’ve given him every opportunity. Phone calls, emails, IMs, in person, I’ve been nothing but open and honest with him, Randy. I know he’s not that clueless when it comes to women.”

“Have you told him directly?” I asked her.

“No…” she trailed off.

“He is clueless when it comes to women,” I said. “He really is. You have to be straight with him.”

“The last time I was straight with him, he didn’t speak to me for six months,” she said. “That’s why I don’t understand it! I tell him and he takes off as if it doesn’t matter. Like it means absolutely nothing to him…like it’s just some stupid junior high school crush I’m just going to get over in a week. I don’t get it! How could it mean nothing to him? I gave him everything I had. Everything I had built up inside of me for so long and he just throws it away like an old pair of shoes or something. How could he just completely ignore my feelings like that?”

I looked down at her and had no idea what to say.

“I’m so mad at him!” she growled, her hands clenching into fists. “He just completely ignored me. I gave him my heart and he just handed it back…like an ugly sweater I gave him for Christmas or something with a ‘thanks but no thanks’…or something! He acted like it was just no big deal….like ‘whatever’ and shrugs it off.” She sniffed and went on. “And just when I feel like I’m over him, he comes roaring back into my life, like it was nothing…like it was just a thing that happened and can be forgotten about.” She looked up at me with tears sparkling her eyes and asked, “How could he do that?”

I did the only thing I could think of. I shrugged. “I don’t know, sweetie. I just don’t know.” I inhaled a deep breath and said to myself that it was now or never.

“I do know that if you had given me everything, I wouldn’t have ignored it.”

Kensie’s eyes enlarged and her face flushed. “Wh…what?”

I inhaled a deep breath and got it out. “Kensie, I care for you.”

“I know you do, Randy,” she said, confused.

“No, not in the way you think,” I said. “I want more with you than just friendship. I don’t want to be just friends with you.”

“What are you saying?” she asked.

“Give me a chance to show you how things could be with us,” I said. “Just one chance to show you how I feel, how much I want to be with you.”

“You run,” she said softly. “You ran away from me too. Remember?”

“I know,” I said. “I was feeling something I was not ready to feel. It was strange to me and it was so different from anything I had ever felt before. I wasn’t stable enough or mature enough to have those feelings then, but I am now. The feelings never really did go away. All I ask is one chance to prove myself to you.”

“But…” she started.

“No buts,” I said. “I know you’re going through this thing with your feelings with John. I don’t understand it, not after the way he treated you, but I’m willing to wait. I’m going to wait until you’re ready. I promise you with my whole heart that this time, there won’t be any running.”

I leaned over and I softly kissed her, and then walked away.

~I get lost inside your stare

Lost when you're not there…~

All I could do was stand there, stunned and watch him walk away, the touch of his lips on mine still lingering. Could he really mean it? Could this really be the chance we lost all those years ago? I touched my lips with my fingertips and gently smiled. I decided then that it was worth the risk.

I dropped my bag and ran as hard as I could, until I caught him. He was about to get into his car and leave. I caught his hand and touched his face.

“Do you really mean it?” I asked softly.

“Yes,” he whispered.

I ran the back of my fingers down his jaw, softly smiling.

“Does this mean what I think it means?” he asked.

“Don’t run away from me again,” I said. “I couldn’t take it.”

“There is not going to be any running,” he said strongly and took my hand. He kissed the inside of my wrist. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long…”

“Shhh,” I said and tiptoed up. He leaned down; meeting me halfway and I kissed him.

Thunder clapped in the sky and before we knew it, we were caught in the middle of a downpour. Randy lifted up and smiled down at me.

“It’s raining,” he grinned down at me, knowing how much I loved the rain.

“I know,” I smiled and kissed him again, a long, lingering kiss full of unspoken promises just waiting to be fulfilled.

~When everything I have doesn't mean a thing

If it's without you

If it's a dream, don't wake me up

I'll scream if this isn't love

If bein' lost means never knowin'

How it feels without you

I wanna stay lost… forever

I wanna stay lost forever with you~

She held my hand as we walked into her apartment, both of us dripping wet, but neither one caring. She closed the door behind me and looked at me, her hazel eyes glittering. Our eyes locked and we just looked at one another. She walked over to me and took my hands in hers. She tiptoed up and kissed me, putting her arms around my torso, up into the back of my shirt.

She broke it and said, “Let’s get out of these wet clothes.”

I nodded and helped her take my shirt off. Then I reached for her cover up. She backed away from me.

“Kensie?” I asked, slightly confused.

“I don’t know…” she whispered and bit her bottom lip.

I narrowed my eyes and went to her. I looked her directly in eyes and unzipped the cover up. I kissed her and pulled down the straps on her swim dress.

“Never, ever doubt me, Kensie,” I said. “Never, ever doubt how much I care for you or how beautiful you are to me.” I kissed her again and pulled the swimsuit all the way down. It fell to the floor and I stepped back. She was so nervous she was visibly shaking.

“Shhh,” I whispered and pulled her into my arms. I cupped her face, kissing her and I ran my hand down her back. She moaned softly as I moved my hands over her damp skin.

“Randy,” she whispered.

“Yeah?” I asked in her ear.

“Stay with me tonight,” she said softly.

“I’d like that,” I said and kissed her again. I bent over and picked her up in my arms. Her arms went around my neck and I carried her into the bedroom.

~Don't tell me where we're goin'

I don't wanna know

I like the mystery…I like the mystery

I can't believe we've come this far

So far away from where we started off

You found me when I wasn't lookin'

You found me~

I leaned back in his convertible and inhaled the cool ocean air as we rode down the seaside highway. I smiled brightly and turned my head to look at him.

“Randy, I love you,” I said suddenly.

He smiled and took my hand. He kissed it and said, “I love you too.”

“Has it been a year already since that party?” I asked.

He nodded. “Oh yeah, but the best is yet to come, baby.”

“I hope so,” I said with a smile. “I hope one day I’ll be Mrs. Randy Orton.”

Randy laughed and said, “Look in the glove box.”

“What?” I asked confused and opened the glove box. Inside was a red box. I gasped and picked it up. “Is this…”

“Open it,” he said.

I opened it and shrieked. “Oh my god!” I pulled out a huge square pink diamond set in a platinum band. “Baby!” I squealed and put it on. “Oh my god!” I squealed again and couldn’t stop myself from jumping in his lap and kissing him.

“Hold on, baby,” he laughed, slowing the car down. He pulled into the shoulder of the highway. “I wanted to wait until it was raining, but…” He looked up into the cloudless sky. “I don’t think it’s going to rain anytime soon and I didn’t want to wait anymore. I love you so damned much, Kensie. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love you and I want you to be with me forever. Will you marry me?”

I shrieked and kissed him, my arms going around his neck tightly. “Yes! Yes!” I was so excited I couldn’t stop squealing. I kissed him, nearly jumping out of my skin. “I love you so much!” Tears stung my eyes and I put my forehead on his. “Of course I’ll marry you. I’ve wanted this for so long now. I want to marry you and have your babies and live happily ever after.”

Randy chuckled and held me. “You just made me the happiest man alive.”

“Aww,” I gushed and kissed him. I looked at my ring and giggled. “I’m gonna be Mrs. Randy Orton…”

“You sure are, baby,” Randy grinned. “You sure are.”

~When everything I have doesn't mean a thing

If it's without you

If it's a dream, don't wake me up

I'll scream if this isn't love

If bein' lost means never knowin'

How it feels without you

I wanna stay lost… forever

I wanna stay lost forever with you~

“It’s the big day!” I laughed and slapped him on the back.

Randy grinned. “Sure is.”

“You look like you’re ready to bust,” I said.

“I am,” he said. “It’s finally here! I’m going to marry the woman I love. I can’t describe it. It feels so…I don’t know.”

“John,” I heard and saw Kendra, Kensie’s sister, walk up. “Kensie wants to see you.”

“Is something wrong?” Randy asked, a twinge of panic in his voice.

“She’s having one of her meltdowns,” Kendra said. “She’s demanding to see John.”

“Ok…” I said confused and walked away. I went to the bridal room and knocked.

“Come in,” I heard Kensie call out and walked in.

What I saw took my breath away. She was standing there in her white, strapless wedding gown. Her hair was up. A diamond tiara was perfect on her head, the veil draped down her back.

“Why does he want to marry me?” she screeched.

“Kensie, come on now,” I said, holding back a laugh. “He loves you!”

“Look at me!” she squalled.

“I am and you’re gorgeous,” I said.

“I’m fat and disgusting!” she said near tears. “Why does he want to marry me?”

“You’re not fat and disgusting,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re beautiful, Kensie.”

“No I’m not,” she whimpered.

“Yes, you are,” I laughed and took the hand that wasn’t holding her bouquet. “Quit crying, you’re going to run your makeup.” I reached up and wiped away a tear off her cheek. “Kensie, you’re gorgeous. Those big beautiful eyes, a smile that can light up a room and does, the way this one loch of hair always falls into your eyes…” I laughed softly and moved it to the side of her face. “The way you laugh, the way you fight and your face gets all red…” She laughed softly and I grinned. “Your curvaceous, gorgeous figure…I’ve seen him, hun. He can’t keep his hands off you.” She smiled and sniffed. “You’re amazing…”

Fuck! I screamed in my head. This could have been my wedding day and she could have been mine if I hadn’t acted like such a jerk. I inwardly sighed.

“Kensie, you’re amazing,” I said. “Any man would be lucky to call you his bride.” I kissed her hand and walked out.

I went to the alter and stood beside Randy, who was beaming. I had the urge to smack that self-satisfied grin right off his face. I watched her walk down the aisle. She was radiant; glowing like a bride should on her wedding day. Her eyes locked onto Randy and didn’t move.

The priest said, “If there’s any man here that has just cause for these two people not to be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

I bit my lips shut. I had my chance. She gave me every chance and I blew it. I had her heart in the palm of my hand and I crushed it like a grape. I didn’t deserve her. I kept my peace and put on a smile as I watched my best friend marry the woman I love.

~And now I'm lost inside your stare

Lost when you're not there

And everything I have doesn't mean a thing

If it's without you

Without you

If it's a dream

Don't wake me up

I'll scream if this isn't love

If bein' lost means never knowin'

How it feels without you

Yeah, if bein' lost means never knowin'

How it feels without you

Oh, if bein' lost means that I'm never

Gonna be without you

I wanna stay lost… forever

I wanna stay lost forever with you~

**Song is Lost by Faith Hill